3amepiphany: (liars/lzybrunette base)
According to both Max AND Tucker last night, "soccer" (FOOTBALL, DAMMIT) is evil.

This was the debate.

CARLSON: (con't from first debate) But you are not seeing fundamental Christians or Jews committing acts of terror, at least in the year 2006. But that‘s a different conversation.

The rest of the world, speaking of religion, is swept up in the World Cup soccer hysteria this month. The U.S. is bravely fighting off an evil international campaign to impose that wholly un-American sport on our fair country. The U.S. team laid a major egg in its first World Cup game against the Czech Republic on Monday re-enforce that Americans are not meant to play soccer. Not born to play, not good at playing. Thank God, hopefully never will be.

The rest of the world, meanwhile, has tried to guilt us into liking soccer by telling us it‘s the most popular game on earth. The game‘s popularity is rising with the kids in the U.S. That is simply a failure of good parent.

We have resisted the metric system, we should likewise resist soccer. Max, I know you consider soccer a national pastime but you‘re wrong. It‘s collectivist, it‘s anti-American, it‘s fundamentally Belgian sport and the rest of us ought to stand up and fight it off.

KELLERMAN: I‘m not going to argue that point, certainly. Finally we‘re discussing something of real importance here.


KELLERMAN: Tucker, the rest of the world wants Americans to like soccer not because they‘re against this country but because they actually believe it‘s entertaining and the reason they believe it‘s entertaining because in most of the rest of the world there‘s very, very little competition for the entertainment dollar, they don‘t have the NFL, the NBA, Major League Baseball in the rest of the world and so they actually think this stuff is entertaining.

CARLSON: You‘re totally right. These are countries that have the paint drying network. There‘s not a lot else going on. The problem I have with soccer. Look, there are people who play soccer and enjoy it, apparently even in this country. But the point is the argument for soccer is, the, hey, all the other kids are doing it argument. If I jump off a bridge would you follow me?

KELLERMAN: Tucker, we have basketball. Let me just quickly explain. Basketball is to soccer as human beings are to chimpanzees or the monkeys from which we descended. From whom we descended.

The thing is soccer is played on a 100-yard field. So you can only play it outdoors and it‘s a lot of running around, very little scoring. Basketball, they said who needs to be running up and down? We‘ll shorten the field, we‘ll take away the goalie so people can score. You know these opposable thumbs that separate us from most of the animal kingdom? Instead of saying we‘re not allowed to use them, we‘re saying you have to use them.

In every way, they have evolved soccer into something that‘s actually entertaining, it‘s the NBA, it‘s basketball and the finals are going on right now. Incidentally, the only reason there‘s a spike in soccer popularity right now is that every four years there‘s the World Cup. I think it‘s four years. Eight years, two years, I don‘t know. Every once in a while the World Cup comes around, everybody gets all excited, when that‘s over it will thankfully go away and we don‘t go to deal with it anymore.

CARLSON: And also a lot of the good shows, with the exception of this one, are now in reruns. So there‘s nothing else to do.

KELLERMAN: That‘s it.

CARLSON: Max Kellerman. Boy, you made a better argument than I could have. I‘m impressed. Thank you, Max.

KELLERMAN: Thank you, Tucker.

Transcript from Wednesday, June 14th show of The Situation with Tucker Carlson. The Outsider segment, with Max Kellerman of ESPN.
3amepiphany: (Newsie)

Tucker Carlson had a row over the World Cup on his "The Outsider" segment with Max Kellerman last night. Once the transcript for it pops up on the site I'll put it up for y'all. I was roflmao-ing so hard I think my brain exploded a little.


We begin with Ecuador to Costa Rica
3 - 0 Ecuador (a good but fairly disappointing game)

England to Trinidad and Tobago
2 - 0 England


Sweden to Paraguay
1 - 0 Sweden



3amepiphany: (Default)

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